 I really want to thank all of you for your support. Being so far from my friends and family, and not having many close friends here in Germany can make things especially difficult, so it's nice to know I'm not alone :) I should probably say that, although I was already planning to go back to Canada sometime this year, what is creating so much uncertainty is that whereas before I was planning to make the trip with my partner and find a place to settle down and maybe start a family. Now it looks like I will have to take the trip alone. Matthias is no longer sure if he's ready for the move, and neither know if our relationship will survive it even if we were. It seems like all of a sudden I have no idea where I'm going, or what my future looks like. For a variety of reasons, we've agreed that I will go back earlier than planned and that he will come to visit so we can figure out if we can still find a way to make this work. In any case, I need to go home. I have frequently gotten homesick living here up to the point where I was constantly getting sick and periods of several weeks where I couldn't sleep properly. I'm sure this hasn't helped, or the fact that the only reason I've endured it this long is for the sake of the relationship. I think it's time for me to try and put my life back together in a way that I'm happy living, with or without a partner. Now it's just a matter of figuring out how.  Tomorrow morning I will be flying to Ireland for 5 days and try to both relax and get back a better sense of myself. Sometimes between all stress and chaos of day to day life, it's easy to loose touch with your heart, with that inner sense we all have that tells us what's really important. Funnily enough, I will be going with Matthias' mom. Luckily, we have always been good friends, and she doesn't yet know about the problems we're having. I haven't decided yet if I will talk to her about it, because I'm just not sure where my own head is at yet. But I love her dearly and am crazy about Ireland, so I think the trip will do me good. I'll do my best to take some nice pictures to show off when I come back, though I'm not sure what the landscape is like there this time of year. We'll see! The pictures above were taken last weekend when I went to Strasbourg with a couple of friends. It lies on the border with France and is quite beautiful. There are a few more pictures on my flickr page. Thanks again all of you for being so understanding, and I promise I will be stopping by to visit all of you more often when I get back. Have a great week! love and hugs, Tatjana Labels: Life |
wow, this all sounds so hard and so unsettling for you. *hugs* I hope that your trip to Ireland helps.
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