But the time has come where I am no longer able to deny it. I still need my blog. I've had a lot on my mind lately, and something tells me I should try and put some of it down here. I'd kinda like to think that maybe some day it will be stumbled upon by someone going through the same thing and maybe, just maybe it will help. Even just a little. Maybe there are other women out there who are young, just starting out in life, haven't had a chance to think about marriage and family yet, whose future seems like a wide open pasture of possibilities until they are taken by surprise by very hard and frightening truth that I have had to face this past year: cervical cancer.

I'm not even sure where to begin in expressing what knowledge like that feels like. I think the first thing I felt was fear - breath stealing, blood curdling fear. In an instant I saw all things I assumed would come along some day and that now may never happen: laying a hand on my big, pregnant belly, holding my newborn child for the first time, watching my mother glow with pride at being a grandmother again.

But what I am sure of, and what has gotten me this far, is that I will not and have not let this taken over my life. My very full, colourful, precious, full of love life. And just to affirm this that much more, I want to take a blogging again, crafting again, interacting with more creative people again; things that I value but which have fallen a bit by the wayside. As a bit of a jumpstart I finally posted a couple pics to the wardrobe_remixbefore. I thought this could motivate me have more fun with the way I look (bald head and all lol!) and get the old creative juices flowing. I have no clue how to take a decent self-portrait, but I'm hoping that will come with practice. For the record, the outside shot posted here was taken by my boyfriend Victor :) group on Flickr, a really awesome pool for those interested in street fashion and personal style, which I’ve mentioned

And just to show that I am still knitting and making things, here is the latest fruit of my labours, a project I once feared I would never get done, a lovely cable cardigan knit in the most gorgeous shade of green alpaca. And with a delicate lace trim no less! I don't think I've ever been so in love with something made by my own to hands!