A Canadian gal in Stuttgart, Germany, who loves nothing better than crafting by the seat of her pants. See her snip, sew, knit, knot, glue, sculpt, splatter, spin, and of course, talk about herself.

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Tuesday, August 14, 2007
Where on Earth did my brain go??
It's just occured to me that last time I told y'all why I was doing better, but I totally forgot to explain why I was confused (ie from the post title). Suffice it to say, this confusion of mine has made me a bit absent minded *sheepish grin*. So here's the deal: before I left Germany, we were working on this really big proposal. It was for a project for the EU Commission, to make recommendations on how to develop their agricultural policy with regard to organic agriculture and food production. This research would basically investigate all the ins and outs of how organic foods are regulated right now in EU countries - what's working, what's not, what do farmers need, what do consumers want, etc - and then put together a report that tells the powers that be, what they should legislate for Europe. Needless to say, it's a big deal, and a lot of really awesome people are going to be involved, from a variety of countries. Well, not only was our proposal successful, but within just a couple days of getting the news, my boss wrote to say that he would love it if I would consider coming back to work on this. I would have guaranteed funding and salary for doing my doctorate and land a whole lot of kick ass experience and contacts to boot. He even said I could totally take my time to consider, and could return any time between now and January, the offical start of the project.

All I could think was....WOW. I don't know if I mentioned it before, but I really love my boss. He is brilliant, charismatic, and best of all, completely supportive of all his staff and students. As I'm sure a lot of you know, not the easiest thing to find in a boss. So being this valued by this person that I have nothing but admiration for....well, let me tell you I've had some serious hot damn in my step the last couple weeks :)

But. The problem was, and I know I've bitched about this, is that I was less than happy in Stuttgart. So although I big part of me wanted to pack my bags, there was also apart yelling "Don't do it!!!" Hence the big fat confusion. But I've done a lot of thinking about this, and conducted several long distance phone calls of obscene length with the boy I left behind, and Alissa, my best German friend, who I've been missing like crazy. She was the one who made me remember that life is so much more than what I had let mine become, that I could and had to make it wonderful and beautiful. And best of all, she convinced me that a wonderful life is just what I deserve.

I've thought about all sorts of things that I can change, to help me put my life together the way I want it, and not just let things run themselves, particularly in the relationship department, which really played havoc with basically everthing else in my life. For starters, I could look at places in the city, instead of going back to live in the crabby suburbs (I have nothing against suburbs in general, btw, but Stuttgart suburbs really suck! ) Since I would have the security of at least a 3 year contract, I could get myself a car if I want, meaning I could drive to lovely little ancient places whenever I want, even on a Wednesday afternoon, because my boss is always very wonderfully flexible, even though my boy's boss, and therefore him and his car, are not. And the final verdict???

I'm going to do it.

But unlike before, when I arrived in Germany a starving student, unsure how I was going to support myself, and for who it was very easy to become dependent on a stable, comfortable relationship, this time I can stand on my own and call my own shots. I can build my life the way I want it to be, and gather around me those special few that I found who made my life bearable and then, after a time, pretty darn good.

Oh, and in crafty news, of course my projects are all in a tizzy as well....I was going crazy finishing some freelance stuffs so my tank is still waiting in the wings to get done. In the midst of my stress I decided it would make me feel better to buy more yarn at Toronto's own Knitomatic, which of course I immediately had to play with. If you hit the link, it's the Candy Apple colour, which is really more crimson than the name would suggest. I'm totally in love with this knit top I found somewhere, but I would have to figure out a pattern myself. I'm not sure I could get the same cable pattern, since it's pretty complex, but I think it would look just as nice with a simpler pattern over the waist section. And I've been working on my first Entrelace, thanks to a lovely girl I met at my first knit meet up. Katherine is opening up her own yarn shop (how awesome is that!?!?) and needed someone to test knit the Trekking XXL, that she may be stocking. She was so happy when she saw what I was doing with it, she says she will have to show it off. So that sock in progress up there is one of a pair that will be on display in the store when it opens next month. Yay! My first knit-on-display :) Any of you Interweave Knits readers will notice the pattern is Eunny Jang's Entrelac Socks pattern, from this year's spring issue. Except I'm only using one colourway, and they will be regular length, instead of knee socks. I am all kinds of happy at how perfect the stitch pattern shows off the colours of the Trekking. I swear I never dreamed I'd be this into socks. Wool socks even. But then, I never thought I'd be moving back to Germany either. I guess I should just get used to surprises :D
**ETA - I figured out where I saw the knit top...it was posted by Amy over at Angry Chicken and is on sale here. Theoretically, I could buy one, but I just checked and like many online shops they do not ship to Canada :P But I think it would be more fun to knit one anyway, and how cute will that top look in a deep red?? ;D
posted by tatjana @ 12:40 a.m.  
  • At Tuesday, August 14, 2007 4:43:00 a.m., Blogger AnastasiaC said…

    im thrilled for you!!! congratulations on an amazing offer...it sounds like a fantastic project to be involved in! Im happy for you!!

      Edit Comment
  • At Tuesday, August 14, 2007 5:52:00 p.m., Blogger Tricia said…

    sounds like an offer you could'nt refuse!!! good on ya!! you may be happier there with the car to have more adventures!!!
    so congrats on the job tatjana and the sock display! they look so cool and comfy!!!
    and the top is so pretty! love that color too!

      Edit Comment
  • At Saturday, September 01, 2007 3:34:00 a.m., Blogger Veronica TM said…

    congratulations, tatjana! what a wonderful opportunity, i know you will make the best of it, i love your plans already.
    i can't wait to hear about your new adventures in europe.

      Edit Comment
  • At Saturday, September 01, 2007 7:58:00 p.m., Anonymous A Fanciful Twist said…

    How could I have missed all of this????? I have been in a whirlwind and cnould not catch up. I am uyp to date on most of it!! Read the stichn fun above... And, I am sooo happy for you. Going back on your own two feet will be amazing. Big huge hugs!!xoxoxoxo

      Edit Comment
  • At Thursday, October 18, 2007 9:35:00 p.m., Blogger Katherine said…

    Hi Tatjana,

    This is the first time I saw your blog, I didn't know you had one! I am going through a similar period of being "up in the air" right now as you were before you left. I just came out of a long relationship, moved houses and am opening a business with no experience. Sometimes you just have to make changes and dive into where life takes you. I am so happy for you that you found a rewarding job with a great boss. I know it feels great to stand on your own two feet again. I want to thank you for the beautiful socks, I have a foot dummy to put them on prominent display in the store. I am sorry that I did not get a chance to see you before you left. If you ever come home and want a job in the fiber industry, give me a call. Keep in touch and take care.

    Katherine (Green Sheep Company)

      Edit Comment
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